Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Things That Make Me Go GRRRR - Part Two

....part one was posted on here on 21st August...

I used to wear high heels, some of which were quite sexy.  I did not, however, call them killer heels.

Yes, I too get annoyed and have plenty to say about fake reviews for books on Amazon.  I would, however, rather remove my own spleen than call them sock puppet reviews.  It is not only the fact that it's stupid that gets on my nerves, but also the way so many people have adopted the phrase, too - surely I can't be the only person who is fed up with reading it.  I suppose the people who latch on to such phrases were the ones who immediately started calling Marathons 'Snickers' without the slightest resistance, too, as soon as they were told to do so by some advert on t'telly.

I may be doing something for the first time, but I will never, ever be a newbie.  However, I quite like 'newb'.  Or, better still, 'noob'. 

I doubt that I would ever write an erotic novel, or even, indeed, feature much graphic sex in any of the novels I do write, but if I did I would not refer to them as steamy or spicy.  The coyness of such phrases gets right up my nose - it it's hard or soft core porn, have the guts to say so.  Or just erotica will do.  Or rude stuff.  Anything but these revolting, girly "ooh aren't we so naughty for reading 50 Shades!" type adjectives. 

If I see a book I would like to read that is free for a limited period of time on Amazon, I will download it.  I will not grab it.

Should I wish to express my opinion about something in written word I will do so without adding the ghastly IMHO.  If you are writing it, then obviously it's your opinion, isn't it, unless stated otherwise?  And why would you describe yourself as humble?  Is it meant to make you sound more likeable, or are you just not confident enough to state your case?

Women who say "excuse the mess!" when their houses are immaculate want lining up in front of a firing squad. Or who claim that they are 'allergic to housework', in a sort of jolly 'all girls together' sort of way, then when you go round to their house there is not a carefully plumped cushion out of place.  Do they do this because they want you to say, "It looks lovely, I wish my house was looked as fabulous as this!" or because they feel shallow for spending so much time on the maintenance of an inanimate object?  Either way, it's bloody irritating.

I am English, preferably, or British.  I am not a Brit.

Another example of the self-consciously 'whoo-hoo, all girls together!' type behaviour that I loathe: women who talk about having a big fuck off glass of wine! after a hard day - these are the same women who talk about 'going up to bed with Mr Grey!' (sorry, the second reference to FSOG in this piece), when taking the aforementioned book up to bed with them.  If you tell them that you are the one having a big fuck off glass of wine after a hard day, they say, "you go, girl!"  Excuse me while I puke.

I am driven close to the bursting of blood vessels by people who say 'I' when it should be 'me', especially when they think that you're the one who's got it wrong, which they so often do.  For instance: "Bob and Julie came to stay with James and I last weekend."  GRRRR!

One of my biggest loathes:  You'll be fine.  You know:  you're going for an interview, on a date with a new person, have to give a speech, are going for an operation, even - anything that you're worried/nervous about, so you express your lack of confidence to someone, and they say "you'll be fine" without having any evidence to support their claim that you will be so.  It's the worst of all platitudes - partly because it can give you the impression that you really will be fine, even though you probably won't be.  Fine.  

On Facebook, those status updates that say something like "Never thought things could get this bad...", and that's all - just so they will get at least 15 people asking them what's the matter - usually along the lines of "what's up hun? Inbox me.  Hugs xoxox".  If you've got a problem and you need to talk, why not just 'inbox' one of those friends in the first place, instead of making attention seeking status updates?

I know nobody will agree with me on this one.  I am a self-published, or an 'independently published', if you like, author.  I am not an 'indie author'.  I also hate it when people say things like 'Indie authors rock'!  No we don't, necessarily, not as a group of people; some of us do, some of us don't, depending on your definition of the verb 'to rock'.  Can you imagine if such writers as Emily Barr, Deborah Moggach, etc, tweeted 'Traditionally published authors rock!'  There would be an outcry, I imagine.  Apart from the fact that it would look really, really stupid, of course.

Oddly, though, I don't find the term 'indie record label' even remotely offensive; in fact I do not have any particular opinion on it either way.  Maybe it's because I just see myself as a writer; the means by which people get to read my books is immaterial.

I'm sure I'll think of some more.....


  1. Hahaha ooh soo many things that make you cross!! If I ever meet you, I bet I'll recognise you instantly - you'll be the one with hands on hips, pursed lips, glaring. BTW (annoyed?) can't read green bit.
    Sidling off now, before crockery gets thrown....

  2. I use BTW all the time...!!! Ah, everyone has their own list, it's just that I actually write mine down!! I wonder which bits you reckon would make me throw crockery at you?? (ps, I didn't expect many to pick up on this, I wrote it to send to my sister, but you saw it..!!)

  3. Haha classic Terry, a feisty one is you as Yoda would say. Your husbands got his hands full keeping you happy but you know what i think you're worth it you make me smile. Really agreed with your comment on people putting status updates looking for attention it drives me to despair. Not so sure on the author rocks bit as i used that in a review on your latest book but it was just me trying to be clever as it was a book about a rockstar lol. Keep up the good work on your blog always worth a read

  4. Thank you Jules!!!! Oh, my husband is worse than me about this sort of thing..! I was sort of joking about the 'indie authors rock' thing, tho to me it's like saying 'bricklayers rock' or 'train drivers rock' or 'shop assistants rock'. Makes me want to say - what, all of them??? xx

  5. I completely agree with so much you say here, especially regarding 50 Shades! I hate the giggliness (some where I work have done exactly that), like they're teenagers, and I'm thinking 'for God's sake, you're in your 40s, so just STOP IT'. And don't even START me on those people who are attention-seekers on Facebook, I'd be here all afternoon....!

    Do keep up the rants!

  6. Hi Terry, as I have survived menopause I am not afraid of flying crockery. BTW Terry, IMHO I really liked this blog and the things you pointed out, I sometimes have to use google translation to convert english to american but I understand your intent and that everything will be just fine. Just wanted to drop by and let you know you rock :))

  7. Emma!!! It's so lovely when people agree with me, ha ha! I couldn't agree with you more, too, what you said about the giggliness - there are a couple more especially ranty posts on here, especially part 1 of this, posted in Aug, and one called 'Assorted Annoyances', post in March, I think. I may have repeated myself in some, but with good cause!

    Bill, don't worry, you'll be fine. :) (IMHO!)

  8. Hi - thanks for the follow on Twitter. Might I add a couple of irritating suffixes for rant material? The first, "-holic", no doubt coined to described those addicted to workahol, spendahol, chocohol and so on. The second, "-gate" for scandals relating to politics and current affairs, two of which (SwearyGate and GateGate) left me sufficiently annoyed to throw their hashtag versions back in gratuitous promotion for my own recently published book.

    Keep it up! BTW (!) I had never heard the expression BFOGOW until now and I almost wish I'd had my female lead character use it...

  9. "Bob and Julie came to stay with James and I last weekend."

    Yeah, IMHO, that's the one that really winds up I.

  10. My top two aggravations...
    The obligatory vomiting scene in films and on television. Truly a 'retched' practice...and
    The popular torture of adverbs into adjectives (e.g. "I did awesome"). Is that supposed to be a coital boast?

    Thank you, Terry! I look forward to Part 3 of your blog.

  11. This made me laugh Terry - I thought only I was this grumpy! (I now feel vindicated.)

    Can I add the word 'Monetize' to the list of pet hates. I will not be 'monetizing' my blog or social networking platform. This is not a word! Full.Stop. / Period. It is certainly not a verb!

  12. David Cooper and Rick Barnett! I've only just read your comments and agree so much I can hardly type this quickly enough!

    I have a Facebook group in which a few selected people vent their anger about these things all the time - only the other day I mentioned how on TV programmes and in films, lately, they always have to actually SHOW the vomit - so disgusting and unnecessary!

    As for -holic and -gate...!!! I hope you've read Part One of this - I shall include these in part 3 - probably by that time I will have lost many friends who say things like 'sock puppet' and 'You Go Girl!'...

    Bev - monetize, diarise.... in part one of this I mentioned all those nouns used as verbs, like 'gifting', 'sourcing', etc!

  13. ps, Bev - it's nothing to do with being grumpy, it's to do with not liking to listen to people talking shite!