Tuesday, 9 October 2012
Things That Make Me Go GRRRR - Part Two
....part one was posted on here on 21st August...
I used to wear high heels, some of which were quite sexy. I did not, however, call them killer heels.
Yes, I too get annoyed and have plenty to say about fake reviews for books on Amazon. I would, however, rather remove my own spleen than call them sock puppet reviews. It is not only the fact that it's stupid that gets on my nerves, but also the way so many people have adopted the phrase, too - surely I can't be the only person who is fed up with reading it. I suppose the people who latch on to such phrases were the ones who immediately started calling Marathons 'Snickers' without the slightest resistance, too, as soon as they were told to do so by some advert on t'telly.
I may be doing something for the first time, but I will never, ever be a newbie. However, I quite like 'newb'. Or, better still, 'noob'.
I doubt that I would ever write an erotic novel, or even, indeed, feature much graphic sex in any of the novels I do write, but if I did I would not refer to them as steamy or spicy. The coyness of such phrases gets right up my nose - it it's hard or soft core porn, have the guts to say so. Or just erotica will do. Or rude stuff. Anything but these revolting, girly "ooh aren't we so naughty for reading 50 Shades!" type adjectives.
If I see a book I would like to read that is free for a limited period of time on Amazon, I will download it. I will not grab it.
Should I wish to express my opinion about something in written word I will do so without adding the ghastly IMHO. If you are writing it, then obviously it's your opinion, isn't it, unless stated otherwise? And why would you describe yourself as humble? Is it meant to make you sound more likeable, or are you just not confident enough to state your case?
Women who say "excuse the mess!" when their houses are immaculate want lining up in front of a firing squad. Or who claim that they are 'allergic to housework', in a sort of jolly 'all girls together' sort of way, then when you go round to their house there is not a carefully plumped cushion out of place. Do they do this because they want you to say, "It looks lovely, I wish my house was looked as fabulous as this!" or because they feel shallow for spending so much time on the maintenance of an inanimate object? Either way, it's bloody irritating.
I am English, preferably, or British. I am not a Brit.
Another example of the self-consciously 'whoo-hoo, all girls together!' type behaviour that I loathe: women who talk about having a big fuck off glass of wine! after a hard day - these are the same women who talk about 'going up to bed with Mr Grey!' (sorry, the second reference to FSOG in this piece), when taking the aforementioned book up to bed with them. If you tell them that you are the one having a big fuck off glass of wine after a hard day, they say, "you go, girl!" Excuse me while I puke.
I am driven close to the bursting of blood vessels by people who say 'I' when it should be 'me', especially when they think that you're the one who's got it wrong, which they so often do. For instance: "Bob and Julie came to stay with James and I last weekend." GRRRR!
One of my biggest loathes: You'll be fine. You know: you're going for an interview, on a date with a new person, have to give a speech, are going for an operation, even - anything that you're worried/nervous about, so you express your lack of confidence to someone, and they say "you'll be fine" without having any evidence to support their claim that you will be so. It's the worst of all platitudes - partly because it can give you the impression that you really will be fine, even though you probably won't be. Fine.
On Facebook, those status updates that say something like "Never thought things could get this bad...", and that's all - just so they will get at least 15 people asking them what's the matter - usually along the lines of "what's up hun? Inbox me. Hugs xoxox". If you've got a problem and you need to talk, why not just 'inbox' one of those friends in the first place, instead of making attention seeking status updates?
I know nobody will agree with me on this one. I am a self-published, or an 'independently published', if you like, author. I am not an 'indie author'. I also hate it when people say things like 'Indie authors rock'! No we don't, necessarily, not as a group of people; some of us do, some of us don't, depending on your definition of the verb 'to rock'. Can you imagine if such writers as Emily Barr, Deborah Moggach, etc, tweeted 'Traditionally published authors rock!' There would be an outcry, I imagine. Apart from the fact that it would look really, really stupid, of course.
Oddly, though, I don't find the term 'indie record label' even remotely offensive; in fact I do not have any particular opinion on it either way. Maybe it's because I just see myself as a writer; the means by which people get to read my books is immaterial.
I'm sure I'll think of some more.....