tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post2085205194354248117..comments2024-02-28T01:43:54.906-08:00Comments on Terry Tyler: How do you mend a broken heart?Terry Tylerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-23751711080609724642014-12-07T07:36:38.890-08:002014-12-07T07:36:38.890-08:00It really changed me - for the better, I think. M...It really changed me - for the better, I think. Made me understand what other people go through more, and I did become a bit of an agony aunt for a while; people were always saying 'talk to Terry, she's good with this stuff' - not because I was a saint (far from it) but because I appreciated so much the people who helped me that I wanted to be able to make it a bit better for someone else who was going through it! Thanks xTerry Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-73213330750648215752014-12-07T05:37:02.425-08:002014-12-07T05:37:02.425-08:00Now that's the scary part for me. When an even...Now that's the scary part for me. When an event like that puts such a shock into my system that I can't do the work I define myself by. Terrible snowball effect to that. A job - any job - where there's some validation for your worth in the world, and connection to others that also builds the capacity for independence (i.e. being able to pay for your own food, clothing, and weak vodka and whatevs) is helpful. But it's a dark, scary hole and one of the most helpful things is knowing other folks who have been there and managed to climb back out. So good on you for sharing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-9470010997300488122014-12-07T02:03:54.999-08:002014-12-07T02:03:54.999-08:00Hi Paula! I wasn't working at the time, and y...Hi Paula! I wasn't working at the time, and yes, I had been writing, I'd written about 9 novels from 1993-96, but that ended it for a while. I didn't write again until 1999, when I was in a steady relationship again. Some people use writing to pour their stuff out into; I only do it when the rest of my life is stable and I can look back on things that have happened with a more dispassionate eye. Actually, I hadn't worked for some years when I was with 'Nick', but got a job 2 months after he left. Needed to get back into the world again. Thanks for asking!Terry Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-16029846046247572212014-12-06T20:07:08.935-08:002014-12-06T20:07:08.935-08:00Were you able to work at all, or did that go down ...Were you able to work at all, or did that go down the toilet while you were getting over it as well? Were you writing then? Curious...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-85223782173480484132014-03-04T07:31:04.365-08:002014-03-04T07:31:04.365-08:00Thanks for reading and replying, Jenny! What spru...Thanks for reading and replying, Jenny! What sprung out most to me was that the giving and taking isn't always done by and for the same people - I couldn't agree more! The people you help might help others, who in turn will help different people, but it all goes round and round. And you're so right about the writing material! xxTerry Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-8612906752482445452014-03-03T10:02:29.299-08:002014-03-03T10:02:29.299-08:00I could barely read this through the tears. Yes, I...I could barely read this through the tears. Yes, I've been there. I had a wonderful friend with a wonderful mother. My friend refused to let me sit in the house and cry and took me to meet her mother, who was is a retired GP and the wisest person I have ever met. She said a lot of really useful things.<br />1. Don't expect them to change. It's possible but highly unlikely.<br />2. It gets better, you just have to keep on breathing. <br />3. Don't be horrified with yourself if you find you become promiscuous for a while. It's part of the process. <br />4. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger (and more understanding for other people).<br />I'd like to add that when I was trying not to be a burden on my friends more than one said it was a privilege. How would you feel if a friend of yours suffered in silence and didn't share it with you?<br />Also I would like to repeat something my friend said when I tried to refuse to go out on the grounds that I had no money. She said give what you can to the system when you can and take what you need when you need it. It won't be the same people but that doesn't matter. <br />I survived. I eventually found a wonderful man and I am a million times happier and better off now than I ever would have been if I'd stayed with my first love. And, as a special bonus, it's provided me with loads of material for stories.<br /><br />Jenny Twisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10268891311858414951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-26066728471926181362014-03-03T02:35:00.128-08:002014-03-03T02:35:00.128-08:00Thanks for reading and replying, Jacy! I don'...Thanks for reading and replying, Jacy! I don't know why, but I've always been quite practical about relationships - I don't believe in that 'one true love' thing because people change throughout their lives, and you need different things at different times. As for Adam and Eve, I really can't comment!!Terry Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-36399217537250181912014-03-03T02:28:44.591-08:002014-03-03T02:28:44.591-08:00Appreciated this post, Terry. My problem has alway...Appreciated this post, Terry. My problem has always been that I'm probably too romantic. I've always believed in the 'one true' love thing and keep harking back to Genesis. If Adam & Eve had only stayed faithful to their God, they'd a) still be alive and b) still be deeply, truly in love! (Song of Solomon 8:6,7) Jacy Breanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15356348634443502708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-47149114038719486362013-05-25T08:24:37.985-07:002013-05-25T08:24:37.985-07:00Thanks for reading and commenting, Geoff! Oh, bel...Thanks for reading and commenting, Geoff! Oh, believe me, I had the money matters to think of, as well - we'd shared a house, and now I had to run it on my own! I went through a phase of living on rice and beans and actually feeling a bit weak sometimes because I wasn't getting proper nutrition and had to walk miles to work every day - I needed those bus fares to buy food for me and the cats! Not a time I like to re-live - 1997, a truly awful year!Terry Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-27409602659144933712013-05-25T04:25:16.178-07:002013-05-25T04:25:16.178-07:00What an interesting post, Terry. I love the smili...What an interesting post, Terry. I love the smiling puss at the bottom, animals really do smile don;t they? It's extremely interesting to hear how you felt, what you did, how you coped. You get the feeling that you had to walk off a precipice into the unknown, and for each person they have to cope in their own way. And maybe people without deep feelings it's just water off a duck's back? As you say a break up is bad enough, but how much worse it must be with children, money matters etc to think about as well? Literally a living nightmare. Really really interesting and thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiencesAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13886037248037765094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-1820919428530743402013-05-22T03:04:54.980-07:002013-05-22T03:04:54.980-07:00Thank you, Ben..... and the lovely KJ!!!!!!!!!!!!...Thank you, Ben..... and the lovely KJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lubs ya too, honey!! :)Terry Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-84361670108929020712013-05-21T09:36:28.715-07:002013-05-21T09:36:28.715-07:00Great post Terry. Love how you delved into your pe...Great post Terry. Love how you delved into your personal experience and helped the lot of us cope with it. Brought wee tears to my eyes remembering the breakups I've been through. Horrible feeling! Keep blogging and don't forget no matter what I'll always lubs ya!KJ Watershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08535058480118443455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-31330535257324148602013-05-21T08:19:30.574-07:002013-05-21T08:19:30.574-07:00The grass IS always greener, but only until the Fa...The grass IS always greener, but only until the FallAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08055506125484002018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-91921142398105904332013-05-20T12:23:09.908-07:002013-05-20T12:23:09.908-07:00I think we experience love in different ways throu...I think we experience love in different ways throughout our own lives, too, Ben; what works for me now at 50+ would not have been right for me at 25, 30 or even 45. I'm glad, now, that I've had so many relationships because I don't do that 'grass is greener' thing that some people who've been with the same person for many years do! Thanks for reading and commenting, Ben :)Terry Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-32203288296076627282013-05-20T11:40:23.802-07:002013-05-20T11:40:23.802-07:00Very good Terry. I'm happily married and there...Very good Terry. I'm happily married and there are another few million women I'm sure I could fall in love with. The difference with Anne is that I couldn't ever conceive of deliberately doing anything to hurt her. Is this love? I don't know. Over the years the initial romance and excitement changes to domestic routine and finally a sort of mutually dependent companionship. Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock to those early days - the innocence, the glamour, the freshness, but also the naivety. It's reflected in my book The Badger's Holt Affair where I inhabit two worlds. My own and that of my alter ego. Who and where I really wanted to be perhaps. Not in the real world, but nice to dream. I think everyone experiences love in a different way, depending on their sensitivity and intelligence. When I was single I was falling in love every five minutes but it was another matter finding one who would see me in the same light. I grabbed the first one that did but I can't say I've never looked back.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08055506125484002018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-63554282807933317022013-05-20T03:59:31.025-07:002013-05-20T03:59:31.025-07:00Thanks for commenting, Alice! I know just what yo...Thanks for commenting, Alice! I know just what you mean about it hurting almost as much when you're the dumper not the dumpee; I wept buckets when I left my 2nd husband, I couldn't bear that I'd made him that unhappy. I was so glad when he found someone else and was happy again. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason as I believe that you make your own luck, and life is mostly a series of random occurrences of which you can make the most or the least, but I certainly agree with you about the horrible experiences making you a stronger person and more able to make better choices in the future. Also, it helps you understand others better. I'm glad, now, that it happened to me. Terry Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-2266925350931339902013-05-20T03:29:15.327-07:002013-05-20T03:29:15.327-07:00Great post Terry! :) And fab advice. I've had ...Great post Terry! :) And fab advice. I've had a couple of excruciatingly painful break-ups, and the worst of the two I was the dumper not the dumpee. Calling off my wedding six weeks before the big day, walking out on my man and then suffering a nervous breakdown, has to be the worst emotional pain I have ever felt and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. He recently told me it was the worst time of his life, and to think I caused him that much pain still hurts me, but it had to be done. That was 20+ years ago and thankfully all was not lost - we have remained very best friends and see each other regularly. Those 8 years we spent together weren't in vain at all and I am grateful for them. <br /><br />I think it's important to remember that we can all suffer the most dreadful things in life, but they make us stronger people, and teach us lessons which contribute to our future life choices. <br /><br />I've always believed there is a reason for everything even if it isn't evident at the time, and therefore I try to approach life with a positive outlook even when things aren't going my way. What will be, will be. ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-34946907296151152032013-05-20T01:24:06.484-07:002013-05-20T01:24:06.484-07:00Hi Margaret! Thanks for reading and commenting. B...Hi Margaret! Thanks for reading and commenting. Bloody hell, two years? I know, some people's 'moving through it time' is longer than others' - it depends on what point in your life it's at, too, of course. I'd been through a divorce 7 years before the episode with Nick and I damn well wasn't going to go through anything that awful again, so I MADE myself get through it! I really know what you mean about going to those places - something that worked for me was going to them with someone else so that I could think, NOW the 'last time I went to this pub' was with my sister (for instance), not HIM! Yes, I listened to his mother because she'd been married 3 times and had several other relationships - hear the words of one who knows..... !! Oddly enough I never saw her again, but I did send her a birthday card a couple of weeks later, in which I thanked her. But yes, isn't it great to look back and think, yes yes, thank goodness he DID dump me!!!Terry Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077413235902203848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7513470670765405287.post-89001275671539015922013-05-19T22:44:55.140-07:002013-05-19T22:44:55.140-07:00Hi Terry. This all felt very familiar to me as som...Hi Terry. This all felt very familiar to me as someone who's been through this! The other tactic I can recommend is aversion therapy- once you're over the first few horrible months. Actually it was 2 years until i felt strong enough, but I went back to all our special places and just cried behind my sun glasses. It was hideous but very cathartic. So glad he dumped me now! Glad for you that you got such good advice from his mother!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11395840337568563178noreply@blogger.com