Sometimes you just need to listen.... #wwwblogs

Names and locations have been changed to protect privacy

This morning, I received an email from a friend of mine, Nina.  Sadly, Nina's husband died 18 months ago after a long illness that was a massive strain on her; they had been married for around 20 years and were as close as a married couple can be.  In the time since, Nina has had dreadful days, okay days and others when she feels optimistic about the future, as is the norm, and moved on with her life as best she can; she has coped admirably in appalling circumstances.

Nina keeps in touch with friends around the country, including me, to tell them what she's been up to and how she is faring.  Sometimes, as one does when responding to friends who have suffered bereavement, I make suggestions that might help, then worry that I have come across too 'school teacherish'.

However, after reading this, this morning, I feel I have nothing to worry about!  Nina wrote excerpts to me from her email from another friend, and provided, underneath, the answers she wanted to give but didn't.  She gave me permission to share on my blog, because parts of it made me laugh out loud this morning; I hope it will amuse you too!

A friend in need ~ not....

Nina: I recently had a friend reply to an email I sent her where I told her about my days out, cinema visits, walks and such like with friends. I told her I've discovered, after a jolly night with some mates, that JD & Coke doesn’t give me hangovers, and how my volunteering at the Community Shop was going. Her reply was bizarre! I’ve copied some of it here; the brackets are my thoughts. 

“You don't mention how you fill your days. 

What do you do aside from housework and shopping?”

(Um.... see rest of email....)

“You're drinking too much, but you know that.”

(Yeah.  That was, like, ONE night.  I didn't say I made a habit of shutting my door on the day and cracking open the Jack, every night)

“How much are you living IN the real world? Can you get yourself involved with helping others (foodbanks etc). It really does put your own situation in perspective.”

(She knows I helped at the community centre last Xmas day and she knows I do the community shop.  Also, losing my beloved husband is hardly a small thing to be put 'in perspective'.  Patronising, much!)

“I'm glad you have friends and that you get out socially. Are they always happy to see you?”

(Well, what can I answer to that?  They seem to be ~ should I ask them to fill in a friend satisfaction survey?

How happy were you to see Nina today?

a) very happy

b) quite happy

c) neither happy nor unhappy

d) not very happy

e) tried to hide but she saw me running up the stairs when she peered through the letterbox)

“How about getting a haircut?”

(How about getting one yourself, you rude cow?)

“How about coming to Cheltenham for a visit?”

(I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO!)

Sometimes, you just need to listen......