Assorted Annoyances

 (With thanks to Julia, Mike, Lisa, Delaine, Andy, Ralph, Phil, Rob, Jorell, Freya)

Things that make me go bluuurggh....

At work:

I’ll just ping him across an email

Can I just pop you on hold?  Oh, he’s back now.  I’ll just pop you through

Number crunchers

Can we touch base?

No problem!

Can-do attitude

Since we started doing business with yourselves 

If you have any queries, please contact Ken or myself


Can you bear with me?

Misuse of words

Ignorant used to describe someone who is ignoring you

Banter when what is meant is rudeness, cheek, or mickey-taking by one person only

Vent used to mean ranting, or venting anger

Bored of, would of

Nouns used as verbs – sourced, tasked, gifted, parented, growthed, birthed

Quantity applied to an absolute term – quite unique


Floor when talking about the ground, and lay when it should be lie - he's laying down on the floor (when he is, in fact, lying down on the ground)



Pronouncing the letter 'aitch' as 'haitch'

On Facebook

The pseudo profound/inspirational – those pictures that say “Live each day as if it was your last, dance as if no-one is looking” etc, or “I am who I am, love me or hate me” etc

LOL, Yay, Facepalm, LMAO, PMSL

Lol, etc when used as punctuation – I agree lol I liked it too lol it’s great lmao

Photographs of people’s dinner with the caption nom nom nom

*does victory dance*

That awkward moment when….. (inevitably, it isn’t awkward at all)

The general wishing of a Happy St Patrick’s Day – it is only relevant to the Irish!  Worse, when it is referred to as St Patty’s Day.  Patty is short for Patricia.  The short form of Patrick is Pat, or Paddy.

Status Shuffle – for people who have nothing to say but think they’ll say it anyway

Tired.com, Bored.com, Hungover.com

Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work I go

Attention seeking status updates – Miss X has really had enough now.  These updates are then followed by ten people saying What's up hun inbox me xoxox

Unfunny observations followed by Just Saying

Miscellaneous irritating words and phrases

From the get go

Can I get in a shop/café/pub, instead of Can I have

Back in the day  (Back in what day?)

Toasty to imply warmth.  (nb, not ‘warm as toast, which makes sense.  ‘Toasty’ does not mean this.  Toasty means ‘like toast’)


Webinar


Podcast

Yummy Mummy

Yada Yada

Learning Curve

Journey when used to describe anything apart from the travelling from one physical point to another

“You’ll be fine” as a platitude when someone is worried about something, unless there is some substance behind it, and person A has some inside knowledge that person B really will be fine

“Look at YOU!” when seeing someone looking particularly dressed up

A cheeky anything – I’m just popping out for a cheeky beer

Simples – when said by anyone other than the meerkats


"It's my passion"

 

Particularly annoying behaviour by women

Whoo hoo!  You go girl!

Describing fat women as curvy

Describing themselves as strong women

Describing themselves or their friends as quirky, sassy, bubbly, zany, kooky, goofy

All here come the girls type behaviour

Thinking they have the right to touch the stomach of a pregnant woman without asking

Putting their hands on your face to show you how cold it is

Women over the age of 50 who suddenly get a very short spiky hair do, have it dyed red and then wear witty earrings

In the kitchen

Jus

Drizzle

Roasties instead of roast potatoes

Simply pop it in the oven!

At the Doctors

Can you just pop behind the screen, pop off your clothes, pop onto the couch, and I’ll just pop this needle into you

This is an ongoing list; all suggestions welcomed