The Z Files: Barb Taub ~ Virgo

Welcome to The Z Files, in which writers show how the characteristics of their star sign influence their work; contributors were invited to treat the subject as seriously, cynically, or lightly as they liked.  For links to all previous posts, please go to the end of the article.

On my original instructions to the writers, I specified the amount of words required; knowing writers as I do, I thought it best to err on the side of too short, in order to get something about the right length ~ like when you tell your husband you have to be somewhere at 7, so that you've got a chance of getting there for 8; if you say to a writer 'give me 200 words', you get 350-400.  Which was about what I wanted.  My artful plan worked.... until...

 ....Barb Taub

 ...who gave me 537.  In other words, more than twice the amount I asked for.  Look at her, she's laughing at me, isn't she?  Surely she can't be a Virgo at all?  Surely that blatant disregard for the rules (um, it's mean to be about your writing, Barb..), the inability to rein herself in, the verbal diarrhoea, is more like that of a fire sign, or an Aquarius or Gemini?

Let's see what Barb has to say for her Virgo self, shall we?

Virgo ~ it's not all bad...

"I was worried. I'd agreed to take part in Terry Tyler's feature on writers and their star signs, but when I got her list of top traits for Virgos, I realized that my mother must have been off by several months in her recollection of my birth date. Since I have four kids and a sincere and ongoing interest in the process that produced them in the first place, it seemed like a stretch that my sign's symbol would be The Virgin.

I decided to talk it over with someone who knows me well—my daughter. (Chosen because she and the dog were the only ones around, and the dog is a Taurus so she had zoned out and was snoring, all four paws waving gently in the air.)  (Note: my husband is a Taurus, too, Barb; the similarities are amazing!)

 Virgo ~ it's not all good, either...

Me: This says that Virgos can be “nit-picking, critical, and calculating”.

Daughter: You used to send our teacher's notes back with the grammar and spelling mistakes corrected. In red marker.

Me: The list does say “likes to be of service to others”.

Daughter: You sent Ms. B's note back clipped to the help-wanted section of the classifieds, along with a suggestion that she look for a more suitable job.

Me: That was one time. And she didn't know the difference between there, their, and they're. Personally, I'm amazed the woman managed to dress herself.

Daughter: How about the time you told the School Board to get their act together because it was going to be hard for you to find places to hide that many bodies?

Me: You're right. The list does say “doesn't mind repetitive and nitty gritty tasks to get the job done” so I probably should have spent more time researching body disposal.

Daughter: Or when you told the people at the mani-pedi stand not to give you the massage because you don't like people touching you?

Me: Do you think that comes under “modest”?

Daughter: If that's what you call it when you yell, “Don't touch anything but my fingers or toes, you damn perverts.”

Me: Okay, maybe a little bit of it applies. Like the part about how Virgos are dutiful and meticulous.

Daughter: I think the term we're going for here is OCD. Like your thing with schedules. You make us go to airports four hours before flights take off. And remember that first time you took us to Paris? You had an entire binder with itineraries at 5-minute intervals, along with maps, and annotations. There were tabs. Daddy waited until you weren't looking and threw it away. He said it had to be done in the name of international relations.

Me: Sigh. I miss the tabs."

A wanton Virgo, especially for Barb

"So yeah, Terry. I am a Virgo after all. At any given time, I'm worrying about at least fifty separate problems, all but about three of which are completely made up. Being a writer is a form of recycling that lets me use the other forty-seven of them. Fuelled on coffee, I can race through the house, putting every couch pillow and picture frame exactly straight, cook dinner (cleaning up as I go, of course), invent overly-complicated plot sequences, and completely ignore world news because...I'm a Virgo: I just don't have to give a damn."

Yes, Barb, you're a Virgo, and I hope it has amused all readers as much as it did me!  I still think you've got something Sagittarian or Aquarian hidden in there somewhere, though.....

Barb is always worth reading, I love her blog, which is HERE if you would like to read it ~ I suggest this post, If Adam and Eve sent texts, which is one of my favourites and will give you an idea of the laughs to be had within!  Barb also writes urban fantasy; I have read her hilarious book Don't Touch, review HERE.  You follow her on Twitter at your own risk....

Here are your other Virgo writers...  

Another Virgo who writes of fantastical things ~ 
GRR Martin (The Game of Thrones dude, in case anyone doesn't know!)

.....and Stephen King, who I would imagine 

 owns a binder with tabs or two, himself!

Next up: a super-dooper chick lit bestselling Aquarius!!

Previous Posts:
Leo and Aries: Terry Tyler and Julia Proofreader
Leo: Anne Goodwin
Gemini: Shelley Wilson
Aquarius and Capricorn: Nicky Black
Sagittarius: Katrina Mountfort
Cancer: Mark Barry

Ten questions I need to ask about UNDER THE DOME!

I've been watching this ludicrous how-far-can-you-really-suspend-your-disbelief,  entertaining Stephen King TV fantasy romp on Amazon Instant Video, and I'm pretty hooked, in an 'okay, it's total garbage but I love it' kind of way!  

I'm up to Episode 2 of Series 3, and have some questions to ask (some of which may be answered when I carry on watching....)

1.  How come when Norrie slipped back into her real life from her alternative reality, she got to keep the alternative reality hair extensions?

2.  How come Dean Norris, who plays Big Jim Rennie, has lost all his acting skills since playing Hank in Breaking Bad?  (or is he hamming it up on purpose because he knows it's a load of rubbish..?)

3.  Why, in Series 3, has Big Jim suddenly started to call Julia 'Red'?  He never did before (Scriptwriter 1:  "Hey, don't baddies always refer to women with red hair as 'Red'?  Like that psycho bloke did with Gillian Darmody in Boardwalk Empire?"  Scriptwriter 2:  "Shit, yeah, we overlooked that one.  Stick it in now, no-one will notice").

4.  How has Junior Rennie suddenly gone from being a bit of a twat with rubber lips, to totally hot?

5.  Why is it that apart from the 10-15 lead characters, scarcely any of the townsfolk have any opinion to offer about anything, and just follow Barbie/Julia/Jim like mute, brainless sheep?

6.  Why has Barbie, who seemed like a pretty sincere and deep-thinking sort of guy, suddenly rejected his great love, Julia, for a dream about Ava, prettier face and bigger tits though the latter unquestionably has?

7.  How come the mega-irritating Rebecca Pine was able to pronounce that Pauline was bleeding internally at just a glance, even though she was but a high school science teacher and had no medical training?

8.  How many more times do we really need to see that cow being sliced in half?




 
9.  Was Big Jim shagging Rose from the Sweet Briar Cafe?

10.  And the biggest one of the lot - WHY doesn't anyone in the town ask the gruesome 40-year-old-Botox-face-with-70-year-old-neck Christine Price, these three things:  Who the hell are you?  Why do you think you're in charge around here, huh?  And more importantly, why are we all doing exactly what you say?

All will be revealed - or probably not!!!