What they say ~ and what it means....

Well, it's sort of relevant to the post....

Oh, don't worry about it, I never do any housework either
My house is immaculate and the state of yours makes me feel SO smug

(Woman to man) Your trouble is that you're too nice
You're a pushover and I don't fancy you

(Man to woman) Listen, you're a great girl, you really are, it's just not a good time for me right now.
I don't want to sleep with you anymore, please don't phone or text me.

I might be down later on
I will not be leaving the comfort of the sofa unless the ceiling falls in

With all due respect
You're an IDIOT and I think you're talking CRAP

.... and then it just grew exponentially
Well, it got bigger, and I don't actually know what 'exponentially' means, but lots of people are using it at the moment and it sounds good

You'll be fine
I want you to go away and stop bothering me with whatever it is you're nervous about

You look fine
You look the same as you always do, and we need to get going NOW

I must say, you can really carry this hairstyle/look off!
It's WEIRD.  I mean, WEIRD.  But happily you're pretty enough/have a big enough personality to get away with it.... just....

Do I look fat in this?
I've put on weight.  Please, please tell me it doesn't show.  Lie if necessary.

I've only had one
I've had at least three 
(the fact that this statement is made at all indicates that it's a lie)

I promise you, I'm over him/her, it's you that I love
That this is still an issue between us means that we both know it's not true

(from literary agents)
...your novel is not the sort we are looking for at the moment, but please don't get downhearted, it's only ever one person's point of view...
If the synopsis was as hopeless as the covering letter, I'm glad I didn't bother to read it.  Another one for the 'let them down gently' pile. 

You're such a good listener
I have no intention of asking you anything about yourself, and my only interest in you is as a sounding board for my opinions/troubles/achievements.
(thank you to Joanne Phillips, below)

Self descriptions...

Sassy
Overweight, but has realised that black doesn't make you look thinner so now wears bright colours

Sassy Diva
Overweight and mouthy

Social Media Expert/Networking Guru/Mediapreneur
Has profiles on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.  Has had photo taken by inexpensive professional photographer.  Has read blog posts about online marketing and hopes to make money from by rehashing these posts and passing them off as original, then charging to do people's tweets and Facebook posts for them.

Mompreneur
Stay at home mum who flogs stuff on ebay

Good sense of humour
Laughs at virtually anything, most of it banal rubbish

'Self-confessed' anything
Frustrated that no-one has noticed his/her endearing idiosyncrasies yet, so is bringing them to people's attention.

Any more???