Sample Sunday, from Last Child

From my work in progress, Last Child, the sequel to Kings and Queens ~ HERE

Robert bemoans his wife Amy's celebrity chef obsession, and the fact that he loves another....

When I got home that night, we ate the usual amazing dinner.  My wife doesn’t work, so spends her days emulating the great works of her heroes: Nigella, Tony and Giorgio, Jamie, et al, which is great, some of the time, but I do get a bit fed up with everything we eat having to be ‘deconstructed’ or ‘pan fried’ and drizzled with a caramelised cranberry jus, or whatever.  When she describes something as ‘pan fried’ I want to kill her.  It’s so moronic; I mean, what else would you fry something in, except a pan?  Your shoe?  And I wish she wouldn’t produce this restaurant style fare every single bloody night.  Sometimes you just want ham, egg and chips, you know?

When I ask her what’s for dinner she reels the menu off like she’s on Masterchef.

“What’s for dinner, dear?”

“Filet of Madagascan monkfish with goji berry gnocchi, saffron fondant potatoes and pan fried reindeer bollocks tossed in camel’s jism.” 

I reckon I could give her that, too, and she’d rave over it, as long as I called the camel’s jism a ‘coulis’. 

The only meal Erin ever made me was cheese on toast and Heinz tomato soup. 

After I’d eaten the pan fried reindeer bollocks, I sprawled out on the sofa in front of the television pretending to watch something about spies in Warsaw (I think it might have actually been called Spies of Warsaw), and wondered how many people were married, whilst being secretly in love with someone else.

Out around the beginning of 2015, all being well!