Tuesday, 15 September 2015

The Z Files: Barb Taub ~ Virgo

Welcome to The Z Files, in which writers show how the characteristics of their star sign influence their work; contributors were invited to treat the subject as seriously, cynically, or lightly as they liked.  For links to all previous posts, please go to the end of the article.


On my original instructions to the writers, I specified the amount of words required; knowing writers as I do, I thought it best to err on the side of too short, in order to get something about the right length ~ like when you tell your husband you have to be somewhere at 7, so that you've got a chance of getting there for 8; if you say to a writer 'give me 200 words', you get 350-400.  Which was about what I wanted.  My artful plan worked.... until...

 ....Barb Taub
 ...who gave me 537.  In other words, more than twice the amount I asked for.  Look at her, she's laughing at me, isn't she?  Surely she can't be a Virgo at all?  Surely that blatant disregard for the rules (um, it's mean to be about your writing, Barb..), the inability to rein herself in, the verbal diarrhoea, is more like that of a fire sign, or an Aquarius or Gemini?

Let's see what Barb has to say for her Virgo self, shall we?

Virgo ~ it's not all bad...

"I was worried. I'd agreed to take part in Terry Tyler's feature on writers and their star signs, but when I got her list of top traits for Virgos, I realized that my mother must have been off by several months in her recollection of my birth date. Since I have four kids and a sincere and ongoing interest in the process that produced them in the first place, it seemed like a stretch that my sign's symbol would be The Virgin.

I decided to talk it over with someone who knows me well—my daughter. (Chosen because she and the dog were the only ones around, and the dog is a Taurus so she had zoned out and was snoring, all four paws waving gently in the air.)  (Note: my husband is a Taurus, too, Barb; the similarities are amazing!)

 Virgo ~ it's not all good, either...

Me: This says that Virgos can be “nit-picking, critical, and calculating”.

Daughter: You used to send our teacher's notes back with the grammar and spelling mistakes corrected. In red marker.

Me: The list does say “likes to be of service to others”.

Daughter: You sent Ms. B's note back clipped to the help-wanted section of the classifieds, along with a suggestion that she look for a more suitable job.

Me: That was one time. And she didn't know the difference between there, their, and they're. Personally, I'm amazed the woman managed to dress herself.

Daughter: How about the time you told the School Board to get their act together because it was going to be hard for you to find places to hide that many bodies?

Me: You're right. The list does say “doesn't mind repetitive and nitty gritty tasks to get the job done” so I probably should have spent more time researching body disposal.

Daughter: Or when you told the people at the mani-pedi stand not to give you the massage because you don't like people touching you?

Me: Do you think that comes under “modest”?

Daughter: If that's what you call it when you yell, “Don't touch anything but my fingers or toes, you damn perverts.”

Me: Okay, maybe a little bit of it applies. Like the part about how Virgos are dutiful and meticulous.

Daughter: I think the term we're going for here is OCD. Like your thing with schedules. You make us go to airports four hours before flights take off. And remember that first time you took us to Paris? You had an entire binder with itineraries at 5-minute intervals, along with maps, and annotations. There were tabs. Daddy waited until you weren't looking and threw it away. He said it had to be done in the name of international relations.

Me: Sigh. I miss the tabs."

A wanton Virgo, especially for Barb

"So yeah, Terry. I am a Virgo after all. At any given time, I'm worrying about at least fifty separate problems, all but about three of which are completely made up. Being a writer is a form of recycling that lets me use the other forty-seven of them. Fuelled on coffee, I can race through the house, putting every couch pillow and picture frame exactly straight, cook dinner (cleaning up as I go, of course), invent overly-complicated plot sequences, and completely ignore world news because...I'm a Virgo: I just don't have to give a damn."


Yes, Barb, you're a Virgo, and I hope it has amused all readers as much as it did me!  I still think you've got something Sagittarian or Aquarian hidden in there somewhere, though.....

Barb is always worth reading, I love her blog, which is HERE if you would like to read it ~ I suggest this post, If Adam and Eve sent texts, which is one of my favourites and will give you an idea of the laughs to be had within!  Barb also writes urban fantasy; I have read her hilarious book Don't Touch, review HERE.  You follow her on Twitter at your own risk....

Here are your other Virgo writers...  

Another Virgo who writes of fantastical things ~ 
GRR Martin (The Game of Thrones dude, in case anyone doesn't know!)


.....and Stephen King, who I would imagine 
 owns a binder with tabs or two, himself!




Next up: a super-dooper chick lit bestselling Aquarius!!

Previous Posts:
Leo and Aries: Terry Tyler and Julia Proofreader
Leo: Anne Goodwin
Gemini: Shelley Wilson
Aquarius and Capricorn: Nicky Black
Sagittarius: Katrina Mountfort
Cancer: Mark Barry


40 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. It's brilliant, isn't it? I was dying to post this one!!

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    2. Doubt anyone can follow this for laughs, June.

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    3. So Terry, you have to decide. When we get together, will you tell me to meet you for lunch in writer-time (at 9:00AM) or Virgo-time (3:00PM)?

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    4. Jeepers, that's a hard one.... I tell you something, though; if I see your face on the train when it pulls into Newcastle on The Day, I am going to spy through the window to see if you're hassling the staff about the state of the tables... :)

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  2. I really feel for Barb's daughter. My Mum was a Virgo and acted in exactly the same manner.

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    1. Ha ha ha!!!! Barb, have you read this???!

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    2. So she didn't end up an axe-murderer or (we can only hope) Republican. Virgo moms rule.

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    3. Barb, I don't know if you know, but you don't get Republicans in England. HAAA!!! That is me with my 4 planets in Virgo picky!

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  3. Oh that's priceless! Loving the fact Barb has to own her Virgoism eventually - haha!

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    1. Yes, I love it - they all agree eventually.... my husband is Taurus; on the 'bad Taurean traits' list, it has 'exasperatingly self-righteous'. I told this to my mother and sisters in law, and they are all still laughing

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  4. Brilliant! You always know you’re in for a laugh - or several - with Barb :-)

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  5. I'm a fellow virgo and like to believe that I don't believe in any of this - but the notes corrected in red marker pen? straightening the cushions on the sofa? Hmm - a bit close to home :)

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    1. Alison, you come across SOOOO Virgo!!! :)

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    2. :) ha - my husband's a Virgo too. We have very straight cushions in our house. And impeccable grammar.

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    3. Ouch, 2 Virgos! I used to live with a guy who was a Leo, like me - it was a very fiery and dramatic relationship!!

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  6. Thanks, Terry! This series is so much fun.

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    Replies
    1. Just as well, as it has taken over my life!!!

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  7. Replies
    1. Ahhhh ~ if you would like to do a post for me, Sue, please DM me your email address. I am currently taking bookings for December... no worries if it's not your bag! :)

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  8. I love details too, I would have loved your folder that got thrown away. But I'm not a Virgo, so I'm allowed to have Big ideas and then expect the details to just fall in line. Which star trait is that Terry?

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  9. I nearly spat my tea out reading that! Brilliant.

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  10. Great stuff, Barb, I loved it! Thanks for a very good laugh.

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  11. Ah, I'm finally beginning to understand these star signs!

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    Replies
    1. The traits can be manifested in so many different ways, Anne..! ;)

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  12. Loved it. Will have to go and read the others in the series now.

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    Replies
    1. Many more to come! Thanks for reading :)

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  13. Oh brilliant!! This is priceless! Please will you throw mine away...or wait at least three months before posting! Anyone else is going to sound dreary after this. And I'm going to sound dead!! Wonderful, Barb. Your daughter is fabulous too...what sign is she by the way?

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    1. Ha ha - Val, you are SO not the first person to say that after reading this!!! Hell, I felt the same myself! But they're all great - even the ones who ignored the instructions, like ... Barb :D :D You're on the 25th... and I think their appeal lies in the fact that astrology interests so many people, and everyone likes to read about their own sign, or that of their husband, or their sister, or whatever... I just had another quick look at yours and it's a peach :)

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  14. These get better and better! Barb, I'll have to check out your blog :)

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  15. That was hysterical! And now that I know your word count was calculated to be shorted than you really wanted, I don't feel bad at all! Seriously, such a fun idea.

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    Replies
    1. Ha ha - Everyone gave me about what I wanted, so it worked!!! x

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  16. Love it. I'm a Virgo and so is my daughter. She's not so hot on the 'tidy house' thing but tabs?!?!?! You should have seen her wedding planning...tabs and colour coding! I'd never realise I was a 'typical Virgo' until many years ago when you told me I was, Terry hahahahaha x

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    Replies
    1. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes - and the tabs, ha!! :)

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  17. What a hoot! I love the mother daughter exchange!

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    1. It's brilliant, isn't it?! I've got a husband-wife one later on, too...!

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