Wednesday 3 October 2018

Sometimes you just need to listen.... #wwwblogs


Names and locations have been changed to protect privacy

This morning, I received an email from a friend of mine, Nina.  Sadly, Nina's husband died 18 months ago after a long illness that was a massive strain on her; they had been married for around 20 years and were as close as a married couple can be.  In the time since, Nina has had dreadful days, okay days and others when she feels optimistic about the future, as is the norm, and moved on with her life as best she can; she has coped admirably in appalling circumstances.

Nina keeps in touch with friends around the country, including me, to tell them what she's been up to and how she is faring.  Sometimes, as one does when responding to friends who have suffered bereavement, I make suggestions that might help, then worry that I have come across too 'school teacherish'.


However, after reading this, this morning, I feel I have nothing to worry about!  Nina wrote excerpts to me from her email from another friend, and provided, underneath, the answers she wanted to give but didn't.  She gave me permission to share on my blog, because parts of it made me laugh out loud this morning; I hope it will amuse you too!



A friend in need ~ not....

Nina: I recently had a friend reply to an email I sent her where I told her about my days out, cinema visits, walks and such like with friends. I told her I've discovered, after a jolly night with some mates, that JD & Coke doesn’t give me hangovers, and how my volunteering at the Community Shop was going. Her reply was bizarre! I’ve copied some of it here; the brackets are my thoughts. 

“You don't mention how you fill your days. 
What do you do aside from housework and shopping?”
(Um.... see rest of email....)

“You're drinking too much, but you know that.”
(Yeah.  That was, like, ONE night.  I didn't say I made a habit of shutting my door on the day and cracking open the Jack, every night)

How much are you living IN the real world? Can you get yourself involved with helping others (foodbanks etc). It really does put your own situation in perspective.”
(She knows I helped at the community centre last Xmas day and she knows I do the community shop.  Also, losing my beloved husband is hardly a small thing to be put 'in perspective'.  Patronising, much!)

I'm glad you have friends and that you get out socially. Are they always happy to see you?”
(Well, what can I answer to that?  They seem to be ~ should I ask them to fill in a friend satisfaction survey?
How happy were you to see Nina today?
a) very happy
b) quite happy
c) neither happy nor unhappy
d) not very happy
e) tried to hide but she saw me running up the stairs when she peered through the letterbox)


How about getting a haircut?”
(How about getting one yourself, you rude cow?)

“How about coming to Cheltenham for a visit?”
(I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO!)


Sometimes, you just need to listen...... 



18 comments:

  1. I love this! With friends like that .... etc.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, what an email. I hope your friend has gotten much more support elsewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Things not to say to someone whose partner has recently died ... You don’t look old enough to be a widow, so what do you do for sex? (I’m not making that up, it was said to me.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unbelievable - I bet by a man who considered you fair game??!!

      Delete
    2. It wasn’t - it was a female social worker. I think her marriage was failing - so maybe she had her own agenda. Or maybe she was just stupid.

      Delete
    3. What an incredibly stupid, horrible, insensitive .... wait, social worker?!?!

      Delete
    4. Yes ~ obviously wanted some tips!!!

      Delete
  4. I love her responses...hard to believe anyone could be so insufferably patronising and insensitive!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. I howled with laughter at 'neither happy nor unhappy', Val!

      Delete
  5. Awesome write! Hilarious retort from friend. So true...why is it sometimes others want to kick us harder when they think we are down?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think some just fancy themselves as problem solvers, Machel!!!!

      Delete
  6. Good grief! What an insensitive cow! It's definitely true that when horrible things happen you find out who your friends really are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yet I bet she thought she was being helpful!

      Delete
  7. I think I'd drop out of contact with that 'friend' - loved the responses though... good on Nina :-D

    ReplyDelete