DREAM ON - my new novel!

.... is now available on Amazon!


Here's the blurb for the Amazon page, so you can see what it's about:

Dave Bentley was born to be a rock star.

He’s a reincarnated Viking warrior, too….

When Dave forms his new band, Thor, there are plenty of sleepless nights for Janice, his on-off girlfriend and mother of his son.  Not only must she deal with the thrills and spills of life as a hardworking single mum, but also the imminent return of singer-songwriter Ariel Swan, Dave’s one true love.

Poor Janice.  Dave is still the love of her life.

Ariel and her friend Melodie (whose ambition is to be ‘a celebrity’) decide to enter a TV talent competition – so Thor go along, too.  This adventure brings about big changes in the lives of all of them – none of which Dave could have anticipated.

One member of Thor even ends up on The Jeremy Kyle Show…..

~~~~

It's a bit shorter than my other ones (80K words instead of 90-95K), simply because that was all the story required.  It's more humorous, too, what with Dave and his pub band, and Melodie with her 'celebrity' aspirations - oh, and other talent show contestants, and The Jeremy Kyle Show, and....! One of my test readers described it as a 'kitchen sink drama' - there is quite a bit of serious real life/relationship stuff going on as well.

I'm planning a sequel for it, which I will start writing soon.  If you've enjoyed my other books I think you will like this one, too - if not, I hope this one will spark your interest!

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Things that make me go GRRRRR

I don't experience learning curves, I just learn things.


I don't pop across to the dentist's chair, your blogsite, the checkout, or indeed anywhere else - I just go there, okay?Similarly, medical people, do not just pop the needle into my arm, or ask me to just pop my clothes off, right?

Neither do I simply pop things into the oven, despite the instructions on the back of various foodstuffs.  The words 'put' and 'take' are fine; we don't have to be all pseudo-chummy about this.


When I have any experience that lasts a while, or decide to do something new, I am not going on a journey, unless I am, during this time, for instance, catching the number 27 to Morrissons.  

I have changes in my life, but they are not necessarily sea changes.

I may be pleased about something, but I most certainly do not *do a happy dance*  or, if triumphant, *do a victory dance*


I make guesses or estimates, I do not make guestimates.


When I worked as the Accounts person in an engineering firm, I was not a number cruncher.


Can't I want all my book covers to look similar without creating a brand?


I imagine all teachers make a difference every day of their lives, they don't have to make a song and dance about it.


I prefer to get together and discuss things with people, rather than touch base.

That stuff around my waist is not curves, it's fat.


I can really love doing something, get very enthusiastic about it - obsessed for a while, even - but I haven't suddenly started to describe it as 'my passion'

I don't source, gift or growth things, I do not task people to do anything, and I would certainly never birth or parent.  Why not?  Because they are nouns, not verbs.


I will never, ever attend a webinar.  I might look at an online seminar, though.

I laugh a lot and I am probably slightly unconventional in outlook, but I am not quirky, sassy, kooky, and please strike me down the day I become bubbly.


I will send you a message on Facebook, I will not inbox you.


When I talk about something that used to happen in the past, I will refrain from using the term 'back in the day'.

Anyone who tries to sell me a few olives, nuts and seeds in some crappy container and calls it a graze box is at risk of getting it shoved where the sun etc etc.


I do not have tipples, I have drinks

When I find something particularly enjoyable to eat or drink, I say 'Mmmm', not nom nom nom.

...thank you to Sarah Vogel for reminding me of this one - if I want something in a shop I say "Please can I have", not "can I get...", one of the many things that sound okay when Americans say it, but awful when English people adopt it.  Dude.



There are many, many more, and more will be added, unfortunately, as time goes on, and these will be adopted by many, too, alas......  

"How dare they say I can't write BUM on a wall?"

Note: since writing this, over two years ago, my attitude to this has mellowed slightly, as I realise that some people give bad reviews to a book for reasons other than it being crap!

My last post on here was about accepting bad reviews.  I've written in the past about how I disagree with the 'culture of encouragement' that can give fairly average writers the false impression that they are likely to win the next Booker Prize, and also about whether or not authors should comment on reviews at all (I don't think they should).  Since then, I've had discussions with other writers about whether bad reviews are cruel and unnecessary, and whether the reviewer should give constructive criticism (including suggestions of how a flaw might be improved).

I've also just read an article in the Guardian about some group on Goodreads that 'outs' bullying authors who snap back at reviewers.  It suggested, amongst other things, that the group was as bad as the bullying authors.  I haven't looked at the group, but I imagine I would agree.  I did actually see one of these groups on Goodreads and almost joined, just out of nosiness, to see what it was all about, but stopped myself in time!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2012/jul/19/literary-feuding-sinks-new-low?CMP=twt_gu

It all seems a tad like the playground, to me.

This is my view on the subject:

The purpose of a review is to tell the reading public what you thought of a book, to advise them whether or not to read/purchase it.  If you didn't like it, you have the right to say so.  If you (ie, the author) puts something out for sale/on show, you must expect criticism.  The purpose of a review is not to give an author feedback.  To most people, your book is a product, for sale, and that is all.  I know it doesn't feel like it when you've slaved over it for nine months, but that is how the reading public sees it.  I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh!  If you want feedback on your work, there are plenty of creative writing/critiquing groups you can join. 

The self-published book market gets bigger and bigger all the time - some of the stuff therein is marvellous, and would probably have been taken up by an agent/publisher in different times.  Some of it is very good, some quite good, some just okay.  Some of it is dire; those manuscripts that made the agent say "Jesus H Christ, what IS this crap?"  are now appearing on Amazon, along with five star reviews by the author's mates. Sometimes, people need to be told not to give up the day job.

It's a bit like The X Factor and similar shows; people who couldn't sing a note would be told by Simon Cowell, forget it, you can't sing; they would be seen outside the audition room in tears, saying "but everyone (read: my family and close friends) tells me I've got a brilliant voice!  It's all I've ever wanted to do!"

Yes, but you can't sing, love.  Desire to do something doesn't necessarily mean the talent is present.  I'd love to be able to paint wonderful landscapes.  I can't, though.  I'd love to be an actress.  If I ever tried, I suspect I might be fairly average.  No-one can tell you you mustn't write if you enjoy it, or that you mustn't publish your work, but once you put it 'out there' it WILL get commented on. 

People are entitled to their point of view.  It is not the responsibility of the reader (who doesn't know you from Adam) to give you helpful suggestions that might help you improve your work.  Having said this, if I don't think a book is much cop, I won't review it; knowing how it feels to get a particularly vicious bad review, I wouldn't want to bestow that feeling upon anyone!  Furthermore, I do understand that some reviewers might have their own issues with the writer him/herself, or indeed with any writers who have managed to finish a novel.   They might make comments that seem unnecessarily cruel, for a variety of reasons.  And yes, it's frustrating when the reader just doesn't 'get' what you were doing with the story; however, you can't tell someone how to read a book. All this, however, is another subject.

Every time you tweet or write on Facebook that a certain film or TV programme is rubbish, you are, in effect, giving a bad review.  Yet I imagine some of those 'bullying' authors have done just that, many times.

Another thing to consider is whether your first novel should be your debut....  

What I think about bad reviews

Ooh look, a new review!!  Scroll down the Amazon page to the most recent reviews... and, oh no, it's one of those nasty little ones with hardly any yellow stars....

Yes, bad reviews are horrible, but they don't really matter all that much, unless you're getting more than about 7% bad ones - unless they ALL say that there are grammatical and punctuation errors, in which case you might have some work on your hands, but that's a different subject.  

Here are some of the things people say when they get them: 

• "Huh!  Obviously someone with an axe to grind!"
• "Well, why read it if it's not their usual type of book?"
• "They just didn't understand it."
• "Some people just want to knock something that everyone else says is good."
• "I looked at their other reviews and they give bad reviews to everyone."
• "I don't think they'd actually read it, or they wouldn't have said that!"
• "Probably downloaded it when it was free, forgot it was a freebie, found it wasn't their usual genre, so felt annoyed that they'd paid money for it."
• "I bet it's one of so-and-so's mates; she must have asked them all to write me bad reviews." 
• "Must be a troll!"

Whatever.  I've said a couple of those myself, in the past; I bet you have, too.  I don't do so anymore, though.  I've faced up to reality. 

Mostly, if someone gives your book a bad review, it's because they didn't like it. End of.  Furthermore, they are entitled to express that opinion.  I've written another post about whether or not people should write bad reviews; that, too, is another subject - I'm just trying to help you deal with the ones you do get!


The odd bad review doesn't actually matter that much.  Forget about it.  Who says everyone has to love everything you do?  Are you really that insecure?  No, of course you're not!  

Consider this: you know how those 'Best Films of All Time' lists always feature Star Wars, somewhere near the top?  I went to see it when it was first released, and fell asleep within the first half hour.  I've tried watching the sequels a couple of times, and the same thing has happened.

If it had been a book, I'd have given it a one star review - because it bored me witless and I didn't enjoy it at all.  Okay, I may have given it 2 stars because it was well executed, but that's about it.

Most would disagree with me.  I was one of the 10%, or maybe 5% who didn't like it - and I'm sure whoever produced/directed/wrote the damn thing hasn't lost a moment's sleep over me, or all the people like me.

Remember that one man's meat is another man's poison, then vow never to use cliches like that in your next book!  My most widely read novel, You Wish, has been described as 'absolutely brilliant, clever and insightful', and also 'a complete load of rubbish' - and practically every variation in between!  

Oh, just one more thing.... when you're being very reasonable and mature about it all, try to really not mind, unlike the chap in the cartoon below.....!!

Literary Festival, anyone?

*NB June 2015: One of my first blog posts, back when I was persuaded by fellow Twitterly writers that I really had to have a blog...  I'm amazed I had to be persuaded now, it's like a fifth limb!!*
 

One of my lovely new online writer friends suggested to me that we might meet up some time at some Literary Festival or other, as we are, at the moment, only friends via Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads and email.  I thought this was a most excellent idea; I'd love to meet in person some of my fellow Twitterers!

I mentioned this idea to my husband.  He said. "A Literary Festival?  What happens at one of those, then?  Do you all sit around on the grass, smoking dope and swigging cider while someone reads from 'Jane Eyre'?  Do you stand in your wellies in the mud, holding up your cigarette lighter in the dark, during the first chapter of 'On The Road'?



You can just see it, can't you?

"I missed the last half of 'Great Expectations' because I was chucking up after eating some under-cooked lentils I bought from one of those veggie food stands."

"I'm getting too old for these gigs, I'd rather listen to 'Catcher in the Rye' on audio book than wade around in the mud for three days"

"I thought 'A La Recherche Du Temps Perdu' was rubbish live.  Didn't enjoy it half as much as I did the book."

"Aye, but you were pissed when the fella was reading it.  You were trying to chat that bird in the denim shorts up.  The one with the lemonade bottle full of vodka, remember?"

"Nah, Sebastian Faulk's 'Birdsong' ain't half as good as it was last year.  Anyone want a bang on this?  It makes it sound better, honest."

"Who's headlining this year?  Some dude in glasses reading the best of W Somerset Maugham?  Far out!" 

Can't wait, sounds like a blast!

...and let us look at Glastonbury, 1970 style and then... 2014

Free Sex and Money! Here!

I read a very interesting blog today by an American author called Toby Neal entitled "Is anyone reading blogs anymore?"

It was about the endless round of author interviews and guest blogs, etc, she did when promoting her first book - now, about to release her second, she wonders if she can be bothered to do it all over again.  Her question was, does anyone actually read them?  Apart from those who know the author, anyway.  My initial answer was 'no'.  My point being that most of them are all the same (some aren't - Tracie Banister's is a bit different, has more interesting questions).  Also, there are hundreds of thousands of bloggers, hundreds and thousands of indie authors out there - yes, your book and what drove you to write it is fascinating to you, your family and some friends, but not of THAT much interest to everyone else.  I highlighted my point by saying that although I had seen Toby's name up and down Twitter for ages, I hadn't actually investigated anything she wrote until she wrote a blog with  a title that caught my eye.  Now I know about her and the name of her book.  Blood Orchid.  See, I even remembered it, an hour later!  I might even check it out!

Hence the title of this blog post.  Did it make you read it?  Well, perhaps not.

Then I thought about the subject more (I do tend to leap in, it has to be said).  Whereas doing an author interview may not get 100 people going "hey, this girl is OUT THERE! I must buy her book, review it and recommend it to all my friends!", it is all a part of the interaction with people and goodwill thing amongst the writer community.  Also, it might get both you and the blogger new followers, who you might really like/start helping each other out....  as another writer had commented on Toby's post, it's a slow thing.

One of the other problems with this blogging thing is that there are so many zillions of them out there that you can miss a good one; I read about 3 a day, I think, ones that particularly catch my eye - if I like a post by someone, I might read another of theirs.  If I like that, too, I might spread the word about the blog as a whole.  Quantum of Thought.  That's a good one.  http://quantumofthought.wordpress.com/  (No, nothing to do with me, it's not a self-plug!)

Before I became part of the Twittersphere I used to post blogs (occasionally) on Facebook and MySpace.  They always got a stack of views and comments, but on Twitter there are so many being posted that they don't stand out.

To sum up - give your blog post a title that will make people look at it!  Maybe not like this one, though...!

Keep Your Kit ON!

*First posted in 2012, updated in 2014*

~~~

This morning I was half watching a Saturday morning cookery programme, and saw 1980s iconic punk princess Toyah Wilcox showing us how to make an amazing recipe with pollock.

Of course, Toyah is now in her fifties - as is Kim Wilde, who regularly appears on gardening programmes.

Kim Wilde in the 1980s

Kim Wilde in horticultural mode, in recent years.

This made me wonder if, in decades to come, we will see Kimberley Walsh of Girls Aloud presenting 'Antiques Roadshow', or Jessie J fielding the two teams on 'Bargain Hunt'?       

     
Somehow, that doesn't seem as unlikely as it would have seemed, thirty years ago, to see uber-hip Toyah and sexy vixen Kim Wilde presenting gardening and cookery programmes.  Which made me think - were the female pop stars of the 1980s just so much more cool than they are now?

Take the beautiful yet delightfully homely Kimberley Walsh, above,  - very much the sort of girl you could imagine mucking around with bedding plants and fish stock....

...as opposed to 1970/80s Siouxie Sioux....

Leading on from this, I was watching an old edition of 'The Old Grey Whistle Test' a few nights ago, featuring Siouxie and The Banshees, and the first thing I noticed was:

Hang on a minute! She's
FULLY CLOTHED!  

Think of not only Siouxie, Toyah and Kim, but also Bananarama, Chrissie Hynde, and even the lusted-after-by-every-man-in-the-world Debbie Harry.

Chrissie Hynde and Debbie Harry

They all wore CLOTHES. They were all cool and smart, sexy and edgy and 'street', which they managed to be without prancing around in their undergarments as if they were auditioning for porn movies..... 

Bananarama

     ....now, compare their attitude with the writhing, acquiescent posturing of Rhianna, Christine Aguilera, Shakira, Cheryl Cole, to name but a few. What sort of role models are they for young girls today?  

The ever ladylike and classy Cheryl Cole...

They give out the message that in order to be successful, attractive and appreciated, you must be seen as indiscriminately sexually available.  And not only available, but positively gagging for it.
 

Forget all our mothers fought for - let's rejoice in being sex objects once more!

These days, even the older ones aren't much better. Madonna, the queen of cool and edgy when she first appeared on the scene, is never out of her hotpants. The glamorous and breathtakingly beautiful JLo seems to think she has to compete with the twenty year olds when it comes to her promotional videos. Come on, loves, put your crotches away! Sticking your fishnet clad arse in the air and simulating sex on stage looks a bit desperate when you're over forty, however great your figure is.  

     Sexy doesn't have to mean letting it all hang out - whatever happened to an air of mystery?

The power of positive thinking

A certain rock star said, in his autobiography, that when he started out he just kept telling himself that he was a rock star, kept behaving like one, dressing like one, until, one day, he became one.

I've just read a tweet in which someone claimed to be 'the author taking Amazon by storm'.  When I clicked on the link to have a look at this storm, I found that the book was at number 51,000 +.  Yeah, they're really queuing round the block for that one, aren't they?

Then I realised that this claim had made me click on the link, and also take a brief look down the reviews.  Perhaps not such a daft thing to claim, after all?

Still didn't buy it, though.



This seems like an appropriate opportunity to mention my fab idea.  I want to open a bowling alley and advertise it as having "hundreds of lanes".  I shall call it "Hyperbole".

Nightingales & Larks

The other day a good friend quoted, on Facebook, from whoever said "Success is what happens when everyone else is asleep".  The friend in question regularly gets up early and goes on two mile walks before getting her children up for school.  That morning, she had written 2,000 words before 7.30 am.  Impressive, I am sure you agree!

Got me thinking, though.  What about the 2,000 words written by the 'night owl', in the early hours; the person who drinks their first coffee in bleary eyed fashion whilst watching The Jeremy Kyle Show on ITV + 1, because they didn't get up in time to watch the first showing at 9.30?  The person who doesn't really get going until after lunch and writes their 2,000 words when my friend has been in the land of nod for 3 hours? That 'success' is happening when everyone else is asleep, too. Yet, somehow, it doesn't seem so impressive, does it?

This got me thinking about why getting up early is seen as more virtuous that staying up late. Why is this?

Why is doing your snuggly-in-bed thing okay at 10pm, but not 10 am?

Years ago, I worked in Civil Service offices where flexi-time was in operation.  The people who came in at 7.30 am and left at 4 were thought of as being committed, responsible, conscientious; some of them were quite smug about the hours they kept, frequently reminding their colleagues of them.  But theirs was no longer a working day than those who habitually turned up at 10 am, had a half hour lunch break and stayed until 6.  These late-comers were considered, by colleagues and bosses alike, as lazy, unreliable.

Maybe it's because people wonder what licentious activities the latter group are engaged in at night to make them unable to get up at the crack of dawn and arrive at the office, bright and perky, when most people are still at the yawning and coffee brewing stage of the day.

I reckon that's what it is.

"The Other Side" - my new novel

My new novel will appear on Amazon Kindle Store in about a week's time, all being well.  It's called 'The Other Side', and I thought that anyone who has read and enjoyed 'You Wish' and 'Nobody's Fault' might like to know a bit about it. 

Here is the blurb to be posted on Amazon; it might be re-drafted yet, though.

BLURB FOR AMAZON FOR 'THE OTHER SIDE' 

Decision time.  Left or right?  Mr X, or Mr Z ?

Imagine being given an insight into what would happen if you chose the other path….

Would you make the same decision? 

If you could, would you go back and change all the mistakes you've ever made in the name of love?

The Other Side tells of four lives, all so different. 

Glamorous KATYA is certain she can ‘have it all’, but forgets that some people have long memories... 

CATHY is trapped in a tedious marriage with the in-laws from hell – but why did the rock chick marry Mr Pipe and Slippers? 

ALEXA fears that a ‘friend’ is trying to steal away her perfect life – everyone dismisses her fears as paranoia…

…while SANDIE struggles with a drink problem, a life spiralling downwards – which came first, the drink or the problems?

Four very different stories – but they are all connected.

THE OTHER SIDE travels backwards through time to unravel the decisions of the past and their influence on the present lives of everyone concerned - for better or for worse

**** 

End of Blurb!  There are many questions to be answered and twisty bits as the story unfolds.  It was hard to write a novel that goes backwards in time, and I spent many a frustrating hour trying work out continuity problems; I knew the concept would be a difficult one to execute, so I hope I've done so successfully.  The proof of the pudding, etc.

Aside from that, if you like reading about bitter love rivalry, tales of unrequited and lost love, infuriating mothers in law, downward slides into debt and alcoholism, jealousy, the satisfaction of long awaited revenge, ghastly flat-mates, dinner parties gone wrong, the horrors of weight gain, and the cringe-making things people do when they're drunk, then you should enjoy it!

The Other Side by Terry Tyler - on Amazon in May 2012.