Tuesday 30 September 2014

It's just like real life!!!!


I was just reading this excellent post by Paula Nancarrow about online networking - it's very interesting, and it's HERE - and as I did so it occurred to me that we form relationships online in the same way we do in real life, because our social selves remain as they are whether communicating in a virtual or physical way.  The patterns exist similarly.  When you follow or are followed by someone, you're just accepting them/asking them into your 'world', really.

Not that many years ago, before I moved 250 miles away from everyone I know, I had a very lively social life.  I knew loads of people in loads of different places, I went out a lot and 'interacted' all over the place - you know, just like we do on Twitter!!! - and, just like with all the thousands of Twitter followers, those social relationships varied from a brief occasional nod, to great friendships. 

1999, I think.  Now, I just go on Twitter

There were the people whose names I knew but I never spoke to - they're like the Twitter followers with whom you never interact, though you might see their faces/names occasionally.  The people I met once in a pub or at a party, and never met again - like those 'Tweeps' who thank you for following them, then you make some comment about each other's bio, and that's the last of it. Those I'd wave to across the road (the Tweeps I might RT or congratulate on a great review), those I'd chat to now again if I bumped into them in a pub (those nice little 'passing the time of day' conversations you have on Twitter!), the friends of friends I'd get to know because of our mutual acquaintance but never particularly connected with myself (EXACTLY the same as Twitter!), the many, many people I knew and liked (my larger network), and the smaller amount of people I really clicked with - Phil, Joel, Carol, Val, Peter, Cathy, Jackie, Mary, John, Rosie, Ali, Mark, Emma, Jen, Jenny etc, I am sure we would get on just fine in the real world too!

Me and various chums, in 2003

There are those with whom you have a particular interest in common - on Twitter, with me, it might be Aerosmith, or Tudor history, or TV programmes like Nashville, Homeland, 24, Game of Thrones; there are the people with whom you have a little flirtatious banter, and those you know will always make you laugh.  There are those you go to for advice, those you consider rude (Block!), or whose opinions you disagree with so much you have to stop yourself tweeting back (or walk out of the pub!).

I wrote an article about the different Twitter types, ages ago; it's HERE if you haven't already read it, and would like to.

Twitter, Facebook, whatever - they're not advertising forums, they're communities, just like the real life ones, and the same rules apply, too. Politeness costs nothing, and what you give in you get back - usually.  There are many books about how best to use Twitter (an excellent one for writers is Twitter for Writers by Rayne Hall, HERE), but I think to sum it all up is that the way to function best within this online life is to think of it as you would any other community, and realise that friendships and associations are formed in the same way.

In real life conversations ramble on, too, so I'll stop this one now, before I get away from the original purpose of this post!



15 comments:

  1. This is so true - I have tried explaining it to BH, but he doesn't 'get 'it. You and I had a few rocky starts, because unlike real life, Twitter can't show you facial expressions, or smiles..so sometimes a Tweet can sound rude/indifferent when the person s actually being sincere. However, there comes a point when you realise you DO like the other person, and then the friendship lifts off. I also think meeting up helps enormously.The people I get on with best are always people I've spent time with in the ''real'' world.. Great post..and roll on the end of this month.

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    1. or even the end of next month!!! My most enduring online only friendship has lasted 6 years, ie Phil Conquest @Literastein, though we used to talk on the phone before he moved to the US, and there's another one, @ChairmanJoel, who I first met on MySpace, too. I so get what you mean about the tweet missing the facial expressions - it's what emoticons are for, of course! Another thing I should have mentioned is the people you know you are going to click with straight away - a tweet can say so much!

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  2. How lovely to wake up to your link to my post, Terry. To paraphrase Stephen Colbert, I am now looking forward to the Tyler Bump. (If you don't know what that is, James Fowler has a fun explanation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4oDOBjH794.) Today and tomorrow are mega-grant deadline days, so I won't be too reflective here, but if I ever get the opportunity to take that "Brit Twit" tour I fantasize about, where I meet all the great UK folk I have genuine conversations with on/through Twitter, I'm heading for the pub closet to you first.

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    1. Ha ha ha!!!! Thanks, Paula - and I shall look up that youtube video shortly! x
      Incidentally, I shall not be around on Monday, so do feel free to post this on Monday Blogs!!

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    2. I shall keep that in mind, Terry. Thank you.

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  3. LOVE this! It's so true. I've found some people I'd never have run in to any other way and my life has been enriched as a result. I also find it true that there are those who's views are so obnoxious that I want to say something. The one time I did I got trolled (I forgot that birds of a feather flock together) so I've learned to fill my Twitter feed with things and people that uplift and enrich my life instead of those who just occupy space and bring me down with their blather.
    I've had several writing opportunities I wouldn't have come across, made several friends I talk to, and started a dedicated blog post from an idea that I had from a Twitter interaction. All of this occurred AFTER I wrote a FB post decrying how dumb Twitter and Tweeters are. (Eating my words now.)
    This was a fun read. Thanks.

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    1. Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I love Twitter, I think it's by far the best of the social networking sites; as you've found, it depends how you use it. I find that people who slag it off, generally, are those who don't understand it, as I didn't at first, either. I just thought it was people posting advertising links! Am glad you now see it as a wine bar full of interesting people xx

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  4. You know I hadn't thought of it this way, but you are sooo right, TT! All those types you've mentioned here are just like Twitter world, and for me, it's much more real life than Facebook (which I do because I have to ). I know I'm digressing slightly here, but someone once said Facebook is where you tell lies to friends to make yourself look good, but Twitter is where you tell the whole truth to complete strangers, who then become your friends :) Love it and love this post! I know we'd be real friends in real time too, but for now, I'm very glad to have you as one of my personal top Tweeps! xx

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    1. I think that summing up is very good!!!!!!!!! Yes, the feeling is mutual - we rock! xx

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  5. So right, Terry. Having been scornful of Twitter for quite some time before finally caving in to the pressure and joining up, I'm still amazed and heartened by how friendly and sociable it can be, at all those different levels you mention. Last month met some Twitter followers in real life for the first time (and another meet up next week) and fascinating how we can make the transition into the physical world.

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    1. Oh, excellent, re the meeting up, Anne! I think it's easy to be scornful of a particular site until you know it - I've heard so many people say 'isn't that just people saying what they had for lunch'?????? Unlike Facebook which has, alas, lived up to all my worst suspicions; I've been trying to like it for about 5 years but just DON'T! And yes - it's good how we can make the transition into 'real' friends. Thanks for reading!

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  6. Aaahhhh....MeSpace. Miss it dreadfully but thankfully the people I'm still in touch with one or two people on there who I can honestly say have become good friends now even though we still haven't met.

    The only downside I've found to social networking is that people tend to say things that they would never dream of saying to your face or feel that they have a right to be downright rude to you because 'it's the internet and if you weren't prepared to hear bad stuff, you shouldn't post things.'

    All that aside, I'm the kind of sad person who checks Twitter and Facebook while I'm out and about all the time and would miss if it I no longer had it.

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    1. Yep, I hear what you're saying about all that! In a way it's a good thing there's no MeSpace or I'd never get my books written, I'd be too busy thinking of new profiles to make!!!

      I only do all this when I'm at home, on my laptop, so when I'm not logged on it's gone - my phone is the sort that just does texts, can you remember them??!!

      And yes, the internet opened the floodgates to rude arseholes, for sure...!

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  7. Twitter (and social media in general) can be the most amazing place for finding and interacting with like-minded people. I've chatted with so many people about favourite TV shows, sports, blogging - so many topics. And in some cases they've gone on to become 'real' as opposed to 'virtual' friends.

    I run a cycling/blog podcast that now covers a team of 7 across 3 countries - we all met via social media and I've still not physically met everyone but we're as close as friends I've had since my uni days.

    You're definitely right that you get out of Twitter what you put in. Too many people these days seem to use it as a promotional medium and nothing else. There's nothing wrong with plugging your blog on Twitter but I find I only bother clicking on people who actually bother to interact with their audiences rather than just shouting at them constantly. A little conversation and politeness goes a long way.

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    1. Tim, shake my hand! Thanks for reading and commenting, it's good to see someone else who realises how much can be gained from this site. I am meeting up with some of my writer/blogger friends next month, too!

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