Thursday, 18 April 2013

I don't follow you back on Twitter if....

  • you don't have a profile picture - come on, there must be something you can upload....
  • you don't have a bio - although I do make an exception if you look nice!
  • we don't share any interests at all, as I don't see the point - nothing personal
  • you mention the words TEAM FOLLOW BACK
  • your profile picture is of someone's genitalia (I realise it won't be your own, as I doubt very much that people with the bodies displayed on such pictures have to go trawling Twitter looking for sex partners)
  • you are an author of the type of erotica that is openly hardcore porn
  • you reckon you're a book marketing/social media expert (bet you're not!)
  • you are a rap artist (nothing against you, just really not into that sort of music)
  • you are a book; I prefer to follow the writer, not the book 
  • you send me tweets telling me to follow you back
  • you send me tweets trying to flog me something
  • you send me tweets asking me to RT something without even having said hello
  • your bio implies that you are looking for sexual shenanigans
  • I don't think your profile photo belongs to you
  • your bio says 'download book here' followed by the link
  • your bio isn't written in English
  • your bio is semi-literate
  • you try to be clever - I have since found out what a 'petanquist' is, but I still reckon he was just showing off
  • you claim to be 'inspirational' (bet you're not!), or have 'eclectic tastes', or be a 'self-confessed geek'
  • your bio is some worn out, so called 'profound' quotation
  • you describe yourself as an entrepreneur, or, worse, a 'mediapreneur' - or the horrendous 'mompreneur'
  • your bio is a mass of hashtags - why???
  • you are a Belieber


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Way to go Terry lol

  3. Better get my bio sorted then Terry. Puffinn Island is a lie. The uni there closed down years ago. Puffin and pantin' is probably more appropriate now. In truth I was born and raised in Brum (Moseley Bloody Grammar School - Did me no favours - too dumb) and then spent 25 years in the London Met when it was Life On Mars.Married my guardian angel. 4 kids. Love 'em all to bits. Retired in mid forties to this paradise in S.Someset. How lucky is that! I'll die with a big grin on me boat race as the Cockneys say. Good enough for you? Great post by the way.
    I second anonymous fuck off.

  4. How's about - 'if you describe yourself as an 'entrepeneur'?'

  5. Okay, need to check my bio:)