Sunday, 14 February 2021

When you're at home all the time (and have been since March 2020...)


You....


  • Develop satisfying projects, like re-writing your 200-book-long TBR list in order of preference, or training your eyebrows into a different shape with artful plucking.
  • ...or, you notice the forest where your eyebrows used to be, and decide to stop looking in the mirror/not cut your fringe after all.  



  • Experience extreme irritation if the shower gel has been put back in the wrong place (and have arguments with other household members about who committed this crime).
  • Consider taking the two-minute walk up to local shop... if you can be bothered to go.  Because it means putting on boots, and a coat, and finding that damn mask, and... on the other hand, it is an outing.
  • Consider putting on make-up for the occasion then realise that there is no point because the mask will cover most of it and the eyebrow-hiding fringe will cover the rest.
  • Dance to the music the washing machine plays at the end of its cycle.
  • Start revving up in anticipation of a new picture on the calendar, from about the 26th of each month.
  • Have still not read all those books you thought you would have time for.




Are super-chatty to the Asda delivery man, 

to the extent that he has to say, 'Well, I'd better let you get on."




  • Have a purse full of notes that have been there for at least six months.  Sometimes you look inside, see coins, and say, "Well, darn it, I wonder what those little bitty things are for?"
  • Consider rearranging your bookshelves in colours of the rainbow.
  • Get excited about your new tea towels arriving from M&S.
  • Order more things you don't really need because it's so lovely to get packages.
  • Discover what your real hair colour is.
  • Looks at your lipsticks with a tearful nostalgia.  That's the trouble with those damn masks... oh, Mac Ripened and Kinda Sexy, how I miss you!



  • Are convinced it's Sunday, even though the calendar tells you it's Thursday.  What if you've been forgetting to tear the pages off, though?  How would you know?
  • Have long ago stopped listening to the current lockdown rules, and just assume you can't go anywhere or do anything.




  • Get excited about a trip to Waitrose, and try on different scarf/jacket/earring combinations.
  • Look at your high heels and wonder how you ever wore them.  More to the point, why.
  • Feel like the characters on The Walking Dead or whichever series you are currently watching are actually your friends.
  • ... and PayPal has become an online friend.
  • Develop little routines that must be adhered to.  I am only one step away from having a checklist of things that must be done before bed, order of business for the morning before I start writing, etc.



  • Have already bought all suitable items from the 'loungewear' section of M&S Online, and eagerly await the spring collection
  • Notice that the week-per-view diary, which used to include lunches with girlfriends/reminders to book trains/hotels/all manner of appointments, etc., now reflects how Alexei Sayle described a leaflet that came through his door entitled 'What's On In Stoke Newington': 'A big sheet of paper with 'fuck all' written on it.'
  • (....no, scrap that, I just saw a diary entry for Thursday!  Oh...it says 'wash towels'.)




Thank you to my sister, Julia, for her contributions!


(Please note: I realise that there are far more serious issues connected with the prolonged lockdown.  This is just a bit of fun, to lighten up a dull Monday morning... or is it Wednesday?)  

12 comments:

  1. Thank you for reminding me that it is Monday!

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  2. Hilarious, but oh dear... sending <>

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  3. Wonderful!! First burst of laughter on this Sunday morning...er wednesday? And just love Julia's contributions, as always. Well done, Terry, think you read everybody's mind.

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    1. Well, I'm delighted to have made you laugh, Judith (and it's Monday... I think!)

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  4. Love this! And can relate to many points :) Thanks to both of you xx

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  5. Loved this. There are many I can relate to here. I do at least still have a job that I was going to until Christmas, but the last two months have seen me adopting many of the above!

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