....to all friends and relatives who buy us boxes of chocolates for Christmas.
*feeble whimper* Please don't!
There are still SOME LEFT in the biscuit tin. I swear that having to resist them is sending my blood pressure over the top, and I've got one of those 'well woman' (stupid name) health checks next week, at which some kindly nurse practitioner lady will inform me that I need to lose weight, my BP is teetering, I shouldn't still be smoking and I really need to think about coming off these pain killers. I will then say "I'm sure ten fags a week can't do much harm, if I come off the painkillers I won't be able to walk, and anyway, I've got better skin for my age than you, so there". (Reminds me of the time 20 years ago when a doctor told my boyfriend that he was overweight, and he said "well, you've got a big nose".)
Actually, I'm going to refuse to be weighed. They can't make me. Surely they can just look at me and make an educated guess? Which brings me back to the point of this post - THE CHOCOLATES.
This year we received a big two layer box of M&S Belgian chocolates, a family sized tub (why aren't they tins anymore?) of Heroes, and two enormous boxes of Thorntons. The 'Fairground Favourites' are the best. OMG, as they say. There's this one in a yellow and green wrapper, it's an apple cream, oh my goodness....
On Christmas Day I told myself "you can eat as many of them as you like, today, but only today". Of course, this instruction soon slithered gluttonously downwards into you can eat as many as you can. I had a tummy ache when I went to bed, and I had merely scratched the surface. A couple of days later a friend emailed me to say that she was stuffing all the Christmas cake so that it would be gone and she wouldn't have to eat it anymore, or words to that effect. I so understand this. This morning, instead of the muesli I would normally eat, I ate all the remaining fudges and caramels (the only ones I can't resist) out of the Heroes, so they'd be GONE. So I won't have to think about or try to resist them ANYMORE. They probably contained as many calories as the muesli, and I'll be hungry again by ten o'clock.
But the Thorntons problem remains.... I've tried putting little dishes of them on my husband's bedside shelf so that he will eat them all, but, being a man, he just has one or two per evening. Last year, I found some Christmas chocolates left in his place-into-which-I-cannot-go, in September.
So this is my heartfelt plea: I'm honestly not being ungrateful, but please, please, next year, if you must give us chocolates, put a gift tag on them saying that they are just for my husband (he is very possessive of his belongings; I will not mention his star sign), or, better still, give us some of these....
...so that I can go to one of these (and I am so bloody old this year that I can almost remember when it was like this!)
...and buy the bubble bath that is absent from all toiletries gift sets these days ~ as moaned about HERE!
In the meantime, I shall just have to rely on willpower.
That will work, won't it? Don't all jeer at once.... I WILL drop a dress size by spring, I will, I will.....
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year, Terry - it's the new drinking guidelines that would scupper me - since when did having one glass of wine, to flop about with at the day's end, become bad for me?ReplyDelete
Oh, when I drank I never bothered about drinking guidelines, Jo! I used to drink the recommended week's units (and more) at the weekend alone. I suddenly went off it when I was about 52 - and that was the beginning of the sweet tooth problem. Stick with the drink!!!!Delete
Having said that, during those health checks it's rather nice not to have to lie anymore :)
What sort of wimp only drinks one glass of wine, anyway - tell the doctor that! If he asks if you drink more than 14 units a week, say 'what do you think I am, some kind of lightweight?'Delete
I like your attitude Julia!Delete
Oh Terry, I am crying both tears of laughter and also of sympathy Did your friend really say that to his doctor!! Fabulous!! Just as well you don't live over here...Belgian chocolates are so divine even I like them...and yes, it's true, I don't really like chocolate. Ouch!! Please don't hit me!! I LOVE biscuits though, so send those buttery goodies on over! XxxReplyDelete
Yes, he did, it's great, isn't it??!!Delete
It's not chocolate per se - there's a chocolate ice cream confection in the fridge that doesn't tempt me at all... I actively dislike chocolate cake... it's just the gooey creamy filled ones. Anything gooey and creamy, really!!!!
Noooooooo! You didn't just go and post all those chocolates... Now I have to go dig through the bottom of my backpack to see if I missed anything from my trip back. It's that or pull on grownup clothes and venture into Glasgow's rain for M&S biscuits and chocolate. Curse you Terry! And your little Belgians too...ReplyDelete
Not.... the grown up clothes!!!! But seriously, those M&S biscuits... you try them. Honestly, I am not even much of a biscuit person but when Him Indoors said 'have one of these, they're the best biscuits I've ever had' I actually SWOONED!!! I think I was making embarrassing noises and dribbling!Delete
Ha ha ha ha, Hilarious post. Thankfully no one bought us chocolates this year. I did however receive FOUR large bottles of Tia Maria (my Favorite) as apposed to the usual one. I've hidden 3 of them in the cabinet, the plan is to eek it out through the year... but that cabinet, it's talking to me, I swear...every time I pass it, it whispers 'ah, go on, go on, go on' ;)ReplyDelete
Your hubby's response to the doctor had me howling. Brilliant!
All the best for the new year, Terry :)
Oh, Tia Maria - yes, pretty irresistible, isn't it? I bought some Baileys this year, which I adore, but, sadly, it makes me feel ill... I just have a swig out of the bottle now and again!Delete
HNY to you too, Kimmie x
I love Baileys too... Baileys & Tia Maria together on ice is nice (a mix my son introduced me to).Delete
Oh, nice - I always did Baileys with whisky or brandy, but I can imagine with TM is something else!Delete
I feel your pain! Even though your post did make me laugh. And I think the same way as your friend - get rid of it all FAST! Our daughter bought us both hampers of the most deliciously sinful stuff you can imagine. The dog walks are twice as long as usual - and it’s no fun in this weather.ReplyDelete
Oh, Cathy - I long to walk, in any weather, to at least TRY to get rid of it - I have some sort of cartilage problem that appeared just before Christmas and, literally, can't even walk up the road. My knee is giving way!!!Delete
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that, Terry. I hope you can get it sorted sooner rather than later.Delete
I hear you Terry! The holidays are horrible if you're trying to eat right. There's no way to do it. Who can resist chocolate? Great post! I'm stopping over from #SundayblogshareReplyDelete
Thanks for reading, Lisa! xDelete
The trouble with the Christmas break is that it lasts too long so everyone stocks up large quantities of naughty food & booze. I'd happily stick to turkey, smoked salmon and good wine but we still have so much chocolate to dispose of!!ReplyDelete
Me too! I love that much more - but we've got a sugar mountain in our house!!! I wish they'd buy us a stack of smoked salmon instead :)Delete
I reckon it will take me all year to get through all the chocs and biscuits we have. The wine stockpile will reduce at alarming rate however! Good luck with your health check TerryReplyDelete
Thanks! It's just the blood pressure I'm concerned about - it was high for ages, but has been normal since I've been married to Him Indoors and staying at home writing - that says a lot, doesn't it? Lately, though, I've thought it was going up again.Delete
Send your chocolates to me. I'll eat them.ReplyDelete
Bloody husband's gone and hidden them!!!Delete
I love this post! It's like you read my mind, going back ten days.ReplyDelete
I was thinking, 'Oh no, what will we do with all this chocolate?'
We had luxury chocolates from Rogers (est 1885) and Purdy's (est 1907), two local chocolatiers. Add to this Irish Whiskey chocolate brought back by a neighbour from the Wexford Opera Festival and many imported Belgian chocolates. Plus a few Cherry Ripe bars leftover from our great Australian adventure earlier this year.
No worries. The situation is resolving rather quickly.
On the positive side, if I get hit by a bus today, I can die without thinking 'I wish I'd eaten more chocolate.'
Thanks for a laugh. All the best on your health check!
Maggie, I went to refill my husband's 'go on, eat some' dish last night and was delighted to see that he's hidden them all! Or was I just a little bit disappointed??!!Delete
Thank you Terry!ReplyDelete
"being a man, he just has one or two per evening"
After reading that, I feel so... unique!
Oops. I guess I just spoiled the culprit of 'the missing chocolates case' here...
Happy new year!
Ha ha, thank you for making me laugh, Jerome! I love it, you big chocolate monster!!! :)Delete
Ha, great post, Terry! I now have this chocolate thing down to a fine art - I'm allowed two chocolates per day with my morning coffee - that's individual chocolates, not boxes ...ReplyDelete
Louise, I applaud your Virgoan routine! Trouble is, I have about 4 cups of morning coffee....!Delete
Ha ha this is a great post, Terry. I ate a double layer box of Thorntons on Boxing Day. I was green by the time I'd finished them! In my head it was a 'get rid' campaign before my weigh in at SW. Regretted it as I tried to balance on my big toe on the scales!! ;-)ReplyDelete
Bet they were lovely, though!!!! Just don't look at the calories on the box ~ I gave my nieces some chocs similar to Thorntons for Christmas, and noticed (just when I was thinking of tearing a box open and re-buying it!) that they were 110 calories.... each!!!Delete
I had no chocolate over Christmas other than some Rocky Road an angel had put into a hamper for me. This is what comes from living with a diabetic, no chocolate at all. However I wouldn't worry about how many all the rest of you eat as it hasn't stopped me from putting on weight ergo...it is not the chocolate that is doing it...stands to reason ;-)ReplyDelete
Oh no, it's perfectly easy to put on weight without Thorntons!!! A friend of mine used to say 'I can't understand why I'm fat, I never eat sweets or cake or puddings' - um, no, but you drink beer, eat cheese, pastry, potatoes, creamy sauces...!Delete
Ahh yes my response was a little tongue in cheek. Nowadays I only have to look at any of the above and my jeans start tightening :-)Delete
I only have to think about breakfast!! And jeans?? I haven't worn them for about 6 years. Not since the bloody menopause. Though WHY that should make you put on weight I don't know - I suspect I might be just making excuses!!Delete
Chocolates? Hmmm. No one gives me chocolates. I wonder why not. Fun post. Thank you.ReplyDelete
I was waiting for it, FP...!Delete
It was day 1 of my 'healthy eating' regime, yesterday. Needless to say, there won't be a day 2 AND.........see those chocolate pics you posted?......well, I just licked the screen! Happy New Year to you and yours.....*smokes virtual fag* :)ReplyDelete
Yes, I fail every night when it gets to about 11pm, and I know that I must eat licquorice gums and mint chews. I tell myself they can't be that fattening because they're not chocolate. Yeah, right...Delete
Excellent post and oh, how I feel your pain! Chocolate wasn't doing it for me this year, but the sugary nuts were. Honey roasted. Salted caramel glazed. Arg! I'm sure each nut had 2,000 calories. I ate HUNDREDS over Christmas. I shoveled them down by the handful. Gawd. Where was my willpower?!ReplyDelete
Ha ha! Sometimes I wonder if it's best just do eat them until you're totally sick and never want to LOOK at another one!Delete
I have the unfortunate circumstance of having a birthday two weeks after Christmas, which means I tend to get even more boxes of Thorntons, ugh! I opened my obvious b-day box of Thorntons early to clear it out (get hubby to help eat!) But still, ugh. Am going nowhere near a scale in foreseeable future!ReplyDelete
Of course, Ms Capricorn!!! I know, I know.... those scales - to be avoided at all costs!Delete
You should be grateful you don't have Christmas in Summer!ReplyDelete