....to all friends and relatives who buy us boxes of chocolates for Christmas.
There are still SOME LEFT in the biscuit tin. I swear that having to resist them is sending my blood pressure over the top, and I've got one of those 'well woman' (stupid name) health checks next week, at which some kindly nurse practitioner lady will inform me that I need to lose weight, my BP is teetering, I shouldn't still be smoking and I really need to think about coming off these pain killers. I will then say "I'm sure ten fags a week can't do much harm, if I come off the painkillers I won't be able to walk, and anyway, I've got better skin for my age than you, so there". (Reminds me of the time 20 years ago when a doctor told my boyfriend that he was overweight, and he said "well, you've got a big nose".)
Actually, I'm going to refuse to be weighed. They can't make me. Surely they can just look at me and make an educated guess? Which brings me back to the point of this post - THE CHOCOLATES.
This year we received a big two layer box of M&S Belgian chocolates, a family sized tub (why aren't they tins anymore?) of Heroes, and two enormous boxes of Thorntons. The 'Fairground Favourites' are the best. OMG, as they say. There's this one in a yellow and green wrapper, it's an apple cream, oh my goodness....
On Christmas Day I told myself "you can eat as many of them as you like, today, but only today". Of course, this instruction soon slithered gluttonously downwards into you can eat as many as you can. I had a tummy ache when I went to bed, and I had merely scratched the surface. A couple of days later a friend emailed me to say that she was stuffing all the Christmas cake so that it would be gone and she wouldn't have to eat it anymore, or words to that effect. I so understand this. This morning, instead of the muesli I would normally eat, I ate all the remaining fudges and caramels (the only ones I can't resist) out of the Heroes, so they'd be GONE. So I won't have to think about or try to resist them ANYMORE. They probably contained as many calories as the muesli, and I'll be hungry again by ten o'clock.
But the Thorntons problem remains.... I've tried putting little dishes of them on my husband's bedside shelf so that he will eat them all, but, being a man, he just has one or two per evening. Last year, I found some Christmas chocolates left in his place-into-which-I-cannot-go, in September.
So this is my heartfelt plea: I'm honestly not being ungrateful, but please, please, next year, if you must give us chocolates, put a gift tag on them saying that they are just for my husband (he is very possessive of his belongings; I will not mention his star sign), or, better still, give us some of these....
...so that I can go to one of these (and I am so bloody old this year that I can almost remember when it was like this!)
...and buy the bubble bath that is absent from all toiletries gift sets these days ~ as moaned about HERE!
In the meantime, I shall just have to rely on willpower.
That will work, won't it? Don't all jeer at once.... I WILL drop a dress size by spring, I will, I will.....